How 2 dismantle an atomic bomb

I dont know what it is ?, sometimes you wake up and you feel happy. Today is one of those kind of days. Lets hope the feeling last for the rest of the day.

Moving on, I've been really dissapointed with the new U2 album ,I first listented to the album a couple of weeks back whilst at work. Today I have slighly changed my opinions about some of the songs. I listened to the album on continuous repeat (all morning). There three crackers on the album. They include the first two singles releases and also in my opinion the best track on the album, called 'Original of the species'. The rest of the songs I feel, are not that strong at all. Maybe, as I suspect with time, some songs that have'nt grabbed me yet will hopefully grow on me ............I'll keep you posted.

Last night was thrusday night football (indoor). A credible battling perfromance from the whole team. We lost 1-0 with a goal scored (by the oppositon) with virtually the last kick of the game. Merbhaan (our striker) lost his cool a little bit, understandble, all so close yet so far ...........his wrath was more directed at his brother rather than any of the others. I dont think he (erfaan) was best pleased ..... thats brotherly love for ya.

Xmas is nearly upon us, looking forward to the break and the festive spirit, it will bring. Tonight is xmas works do night. This will be my first outing with my work collegues, I am only going as it will be deemed to be anti - social not to show my face.

the past 12 months have brought me so many different emotions, from leaving my job at leeds University to becoming a dad. A roller coaster ride. I know it wont end here ... (insha allah) .. the ride will continue for a little bit longer .....

I leave you with this ............

'I need 2 let you know'
'you dont have 2 go it alone'
'and its you when i look in the mirror'
'and you when i pick up the phone'
'sometimes you can't make it on your own'


peace.

Some where in my heart

'Some where in my heart' by (Aztec Camera) .... June 1988. This song evokes certain memories for me. I am listening to the song playing on the radio. Its kinda melancholic to hear, brings back those memories and feelings, sitting in my bedroom, lie on my bed, looking through my chemistry book, revising for my GCSE exam the following morning.

I had just come back from playing football at platt fields park and settled to go upstairs to start my belated revision. Ah I was a young sixteen year old with my head in the clouds and just living day to day ...... it was bliss.

Its funny .......how time changes you ....... I think I am used to these changes by now, ....... eventually.

I could be the next Arsenal Goalkeeper

Yesterday night was football night again in Skipton (11 a side). Merbhaan, Irfaan, Zulf and myself made the 18 mile trip from bradford. the Skiptonian's did themesleves proud.

Playing a fluid attacking formation with kakka and his little brother on both wings' tormenting our left and right backs all night with pace, trickery and determination. If this was a boxing match it would of been a re run of the klitchko versus danny williams bout (held last saturday).

the fulcrum of forward play was zulf who showed what thirty eight years of experience provides to the team. Last week he was lost in defence, their forward play lacked the cohesion of a target man who could hold up and play the ball with accuracy.

what a difference a week makes, he was a man possessed re-living his better days. The pace that seemed to be lost forever came flooding back. Like a rampaging bull he inspired his troops.

The final score, 4-3 to the skiptonites, not being a true reflection of their dominance.

had it not been for the brilliant and eccentric goal keeping of yours truly (yes me) it would of been a rout. One save will go down in the annals of histroy as the save of the decade. Diving full stretch to the right he palmed a goal bound shot from the 'rampaging bull' onto the post. the players and crowd were aghast in wonder and admiration ...... something to remember .... to regale umar with.

nevertheless a defeat is a defeat and we will have to do better next week.

Shine on you Crazy Diamond

Its been a while sincie I posted anything of substance. The last two working days have been wasted days. resolving Information Internet Services (iis) issues with Visual Studio.Net. It was my own falult, who told me to delete user accounts from my domain. All because I wanted to configure Mozilla Firefox correctly with my local host.

Eventually Its been resolved after much trawling through various microsoft forums.

had a nice relaxing weekend. On saturday Khalid 'Pasha' Mahmud popped over for a quick pit stop and cuppa. He had just come back from Mumtaaz Restaurant. An apparent treat to celebtrathe his wifes birthday. The kids wanted to meet umar, to hold him, to play with him, and to create havoc in my house for the short time they were there ....its all good ......took some nice photos of the kids with Umar.

Sunday was good too, I wanted to watch the sports personality awards, I did not get to see it as Shabbir came over for a chat and also to meet up with Umar. We had a good chat, it was good and really nice of him to make the effort.

Umar is getting stronger by the day and is I think getting used to me again. I was afraid that maybe he might have been a bit distant with me. As he had spent two weeks away in Glasgow I was not sure how he would react with me. Slowly but surely he has become used to my presence and this was confirmed by me changing his nappy twice on sunday. It had been 4 weeks since I last done such a thing. These are the little things that help you bond with your child. the little things count the most .....

I am halfway through the book 'The da vinci code' I am really really impressed with it. Normally I dont read books of fiction, the mixture of relgion, historical facts and conspiracies has kept me engrossed.

Thats it for now back to the grind .... a pause for thought ..... ' gone by the undertow my life is out of control'

peace

Time passing me by

Last night had our regular 6 a side indoor footbal match in skipton. We were well beaten, that's not entirely true, it was a 'slaughter', 'a hammering', the final score; skipton 6 bradford 0. Its a simple case of our team not being able to cope with 16 and 17 year olds who have the pace and fitness to run around all day; kinda like a moth to a flame.

Its sad to realise your no longer in your youth (33 years of age). The vibrancy, the get up and go exists only fleetingly (although some people may argue I never had it in the first place). No matter how hard you try you will never get it back.

I used to be able to do all nighters with ease, now its a case of going to bed at a reasonable hour, midnight, which is early for me. One thing that has'nt changed is waking up in the mornings. I was always bad at that.

Now that I have a young son on the scene, its about him, I have slowly become inconspicuous in the background, he is the star of 'This Show'. He woke up at six in the morning. We had a bit of a chill session, I was shattered, it was good spending time with him and just playing.

Time has indeed passed me by and there is one ever occuring theme in my thoughts. I just can't knock it out of my head, probably because I have become a father. Naturally (or otherwise) my thoughts have turned recently to my own father who passed away all those summers ago (1989). Has it really been fifteen years. Its great to have Umar (my son) about in our lives, but I still cannot escape the re-occuring theme within my thoughts of what it would be like if 'dad' was about. It would have been nice to see the two of them together, to see the joy they both would have gained and given.

I can see the transformation he has brought to my mum its amazing to be a part of that and so sweet to observe. These feelings of loss have been enhanced by my brother giving me the remanants of an old family photo album which he has kept all these years. My mission is to scan certain photos.

Looking at those photos strengthens the tinge of sadness which exists inside my heart

I also found a picture of my phuppo(dads younger sister). She also past away in 1989. I have been recently chatting to the eldest daughter, (shanilla on line, yahoo messenger). She is now 24 years of age and lives in canada with a young son and husband.I feel the loss that she feels, maybe hers is greater to a certain extent as she was far younger than I was at the time. I found a lovely photograph of her and her mum, she must have been 3 to 6 months old (when the photo was taken). I want to scan the photograph and email it to her, it will be my gift to her. She has two younger twin sibblings who were only 18 months old when she passed away. What a tragedy to have no real memories of your mother ............

Time indeed has passed me by.

Taweez (Amulets) & Charms

I am not in a happy mood today. had a disagreement about taweez being placed around Umar's (our son) neck.

Now I am not a scholar so I can't say for definite if there is a clear right or wrong anwswer with regards to people wearing amulets (taweez). Its not something I have ever done or have been taught by my parents to do. Always believed in the innvocation of dua and asking Allah (swt) for protection, forgiveness etc.

I am now officially a 'tyrant' for forcing my point of view. Sometimes I feel I dont know where I stand, what role do I have to play in family life, if any. Obviously when you become parents the whole dynamic of your relationship changes, maybe I need to get aquainted to this new change. Probably the best course of action is to go home say sorry (insha allah) ... I will do.Perhaps I am too rigid in my own thinking and thoughts. Maybe I need someone to show me the light. I guess I need to think long and hard about my own role and intentions in this 'stand off'.

The web is very confusing about this issue. I have found several articles saying its not permissible to have taweez. Then again Haji IAK has said that it is permissible, again i think it goes back to the intention. Maybe its best to stay away from controversial issues. Its very prevalent in pakistani culture to wear amulets. More diggin is required

who said life is easy, you get good days and you get bad days.....back to work, back to the grind

A New Way of working

Just had a team meeting with the technical team at work. There is going to be a new way of working implemented. Its known as XP which is short for extreme programming. It will be used to counteract people within the company becoming expert in only one particular field or having knowledge that is self contained to that individual only.

A three month shuffle will be implemented to give the techincal team opportunity in working in areas they normally would not work in.

In essence people will work in pairs and its assumed this will increase productivity with tasks set up into small components or iterations where delivery times can be deemed to be succinct and precise.

It all sounds good in theory time will tell if this will work, lets wait and see ?

Football back on - for Tuesdays

I recieved a text message a couple of days back, from shabs: 'football was being organised again for tuesdays'. I was in two minds wheter to come back and play last night. the uncertainty in deciding was based on the new recruit (Umar) taking a lot of our (being the wifes and mine) time of late.As he is only 11 weeks old he needs a lot of care and attention.

Funnily enough the decision was made for me by Erfaan. He gave me a quick phone call at work imploring me to play, zulf (zulfiqar) wanted company in travelling to skipton from bradford so I thought it would be in the interest of all parties to keep him company. In hindsight I think it was the right decision.

Once the decison had been made I left work early to help out with the housework I promised to hoover the upstairs before I went to work in the morning: happily umar was in a good mood so I mentioned to the misses I would be playing football tonight once she had given the thumbs up It was back to the housework.

I had a great game, and my team nominated me as 'man of the match', we were a bit rusty in our play in the first twenty minutes. Eventually our midfield general Amjad
(from nelson) stamped his authority on the game and started to dictate the tempo and rhythm of our play I
Made four world class saves and I kept a clean sheet, considering it was about -1 degrees celcius it was not a bad nights work all in all. Shabbs seemed in good spirits and even invited Zulf and myself for tea. On this occasion it was politely declined but who knows maybe next week it will be a different story.

I ham hoping now to keep the past in the past and let petty squabbles be consigned to the dustbin.

simply at work

I am sitting here today at work. Finished all the work I have been given today although my technical manager is unaware that I have completed the set task: oh well theres plenty of other things to do like surf the net or talk to people on my yahoo contact list.

Umar will be offically 11 weeks old by tonight